yes, i am afraid of the dark

times are changing. big, new things are happening. i don't understand all of them. i hope that most of them are real, and not just the aftermath of this bizarre holiday-centric neurosis i experience annually.

this one is not mine. my family friend/older sister figure found another woman's underwear in the back of her husband's car. she is leaving him. she is living in my mother's living room. she is doing a lot of shopping, but she is ok. "nothing will ever be the same," she says. she seems happy about it.

this one is mine. i am being more honest with my parents, and, by extension, myself. i told them both my plans concerning boys, and they were both surprisingly receptive. next summer i am going to buy a bathing suit that does NOT conceal my tattoo. it's time. plus, i'm tired of adjusting every time i get out of the water. today my dad took me to see avpr, against his better judgment. it was terrible. i was happy when i got home; when my mom asked me why, i said it was because i'd convinced my dad to do something he didn't want to. i didn't even know that was true until it came out of my mouth.

i believe in all these weird little things, like signs. i'm too cowardly to go around saying that i believe in god, so any kind of faith i have manifests itself in an absolute confidence that things are true based on coincidence. i'm on the verge of completely embracing it and acting drastically. the other night my mom and i were driving home from placerville. we were coming out of a valley, and it was snowing - i looked up and couldn't see the hills on the other side. the amount of snow that was falling into the valley at that moment terrified me, and i figured out something pretty important. whether it's true or hormones, we'll have to just see.

all in all, i've made some decisions. we'll see how they work out.